From foe to friend...maybe....

Posted below is something a close friend shared with me recently...

Slowly but surely I am trying to make my piece with this drug. For so long it made me feel hugely disconnected from the world, and gave me such a hard time. So many issues came bubbling to the surface, mostly issues that I wasn't even fully aware that I had. I'd have closed eye visuals of a small cartoon style tab of acid (not completely unlike sponge bob square pants) stomping all over my subconscious which was strewn on the floor, and whilst doing his little stompey dance on the contents of my mind, he would occasionally turn and look me in the eye and blow a huge raspberry, insinuating something along the lines of 'you thought you had a handle on this?!?' It turns out, the filters between my conscious mind and the outside world get a full and hearty work-out on a daily basis. It's hard to make your peace with a drug that introduced you to demons you never knew existed - surely this is just making my life harder?

LSD is a drug that leads to me feeling overwhelmed, disconnected and deeply introspective as well extremely nauseous. Whilst I don't regret my experiences with acid (and I don't kid myself here, I know I'll be tinkering with it again at some point in my near future, it may not be super happy fun time but make no mistake this drug has changed my life and taught me more than I ever would have thought possible) it is not a particularly fun experience for me. Comparatively to MDMA which makes me feel happy, confident, smiley, loving, tactile, soft, intimate, energetic, sexy and quite frankly just downright fucking awesome...well acid...it just didn't feel...worth the effort. Once I was through the depths of introspection that at points were so deep I was rendered mute, I would often concede that the drug was indeed worth the effort. Enjoying an unparalleled sense of sight, sound, taste and touch is without question worth repeatedly experiencing. To come out of several hours of tough, unyielding soul searching to be wrapped in a blanket of music is one of the truest points of bliss I have experienced so far in my life, so without question this drug has it's good points for me. 

I am pleased to be past the point of constantly declaring the experience as 'too hard' or 'too much'. After spending so much time trying to break through my barriers, to reach the point where this experience is something that I can enter into prepared and ready for it's challenges as opposed to my first ever trip which was basically a bored Christmas Day 'fuck it, lets see how deep the rabbit hole goes' rendering me into a land of hard self assessment with my ego wearing a Santa hat and slapping me repeatedly in the face is obviously a relief. For the longest time I saw this drug as my adversary feeling I had to be ready to prove myself and fight whatever it had to expose, but now I welcome what it decides to show me, ready to evaluate what I see, hopefully liking most of it but most importantly being willing to change the bits that I don't. I love the lessons this drug has taught me and love even more that it's exposed the real me. Even though it would appear some of the people I love don't like the 'new me' as much I am learning to be OK with that. I am who I am and intend to continue to take this drug to help me become who I will be - lets hope I like her as much ;)